Watching Cate Blanchett’s performance in Tár
reminded me how it’s like to be an “alpha”
a feeling I discovered one day
while role-playing an archetypal 65+ business owner
in a training in family business coaching
Seating grounded in all the security of my power
I embodied the character with ease
as I crushed my invented son with a smile and no pity
My opponent – himself a man in a dominant position in real life –
was left stunned, unable to reconcile
my soft feminine figure with the carnage inflicted
Carnage was good!
As my blood pressure pounded through my ears
a thirst for power had arisen
– maybe a revenge on my being a woman –
I let my domination instincts run free
fantasizing I could enter a room like I’d own it
and be on the other side of #metoo stories
My husband got out of Tár whispering:
“Such a despicable character!”
I said nothing, ashamed of the excitement I felt
while watching this bully woman
get her ways without a second thought
No, I don’t hate the Lydia Tár character
on the contrary I love her
she’s my secret friend
my hidden sister
my “Wild woman running with the wolves”*
She gives me strength and sets me free
*Clarissa Pinkola Estès, Women Who Run With the Wolves, Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype
